FAQs about Co-Sleeping

There are different definitions of co-sleeping, family bed, sleep sharing, etc. In our house, it means that Nelson, Kalaya and I all sleep together in the same bed, at least right now. It’s changed a few times in the last 2 years and it will probably change in the future. Having Kalaya in our bed was a deliberate decision and we’re so glad we do it. But, I know that a lot of people don’t get it, don’t understand it, or just plain think we’re crazy. But, more parents co-sleep that I think admit it, whether that means they let their older child in their bed after a nightmare or take a nap with their toddler occasionally; it’s all one form or another.

So, I thought I’d post about co-sleeping at our house. We get a lot of questions/comments about it, so here are the most common:

“WHY?” Many reasons. In the beginning, I can’t imagine not having your newborn/infant right next to you. It feels incredibly unnatural to me to not have my in a room down the hall, especially in a cage. (sorry, I know people love cribs, but it’s a type of cage) Even now, at 2, it seems weird to have her that far away, at least at night. It also made nighttime feedings SO EASY. She barely had to stir, I barely had to wake up and she went back to sleep much more quickly. We ALL slept better.

“Aren’t you worried about rolling over on her? Suffocating her?” (this was more common when she was a newborn) Not really. When she was teeny tiny, we had a positioner that had bumpers on it, to keep her in one place and to keep us away from her space. We always kept our heads lower than her. We used separate, thinner blankets. I know many people keep the baby between mom and the wall or a rail, but Nelson was aware enough that we didn’t have to.

“You’ll never get her our of your bed!!” It’s true, there are so many kids who can’t go off to college, because they can’t fit their parents in their dorm beds. Seriously, we’re not worried about it. When she’s ready, she’ll sleep in her own bed.

“What are you going to do when you have another baby?” The plan right now is to let her stay. Who knows, she may decide that she doesn’t like hearing baby cry at night. Nelson may sleep in her bedroom with her, she may learn to sleep on her own, we’ll see. To keep the new baby safe from the sprawling 2 year old, we’re going to use a co-sleeper that attaches to the bed and Kalaya will sleep on the other side of Nelson. The order will be: Baby in co-sleeper, Mommy, Daddy, Kalaya.

“What if she rolls off?” As I said, she has mostly slept between us. When she first started rolling and wasn’t aware of the dimensions of the bed, we put the mattress in a corner, had it just on the ground, and installed a guard rail on the other side. We had a monitor that was really sensitive and went in as soon as she woke up, if we weren’t already with her. (such as before we went to bed)

“What about naptime?” She sleeps/slept on our bed, with the added precautions. I often nap with her.

“What about your alone time with your husband/your sex life?” Well, baby #2 is on the way, so something is working out there….. Seriously though, there are no laws that you have to be intimate in your own bed. And you just have to be creative.

"How do you all fit?” We recently upgraded to a King and it. is. awesome. We used to have a queen when she was really small and for a while had a double and queen pushed together. We also slept she and I alone for awhile and Nelson and she alone for awhile.

I know that co-sleeping isn’t for everyone. I don’t even consider myself and advocate for it. Well, maybe for parents in the beginning, especially nursing moms. But really, you have to do what works for your family. If your partner doesn’t support it, I can’t imagine trying to do it. Nelson was raised in a family that co-slept, I wasn’t. I’d never even heard of it until my first pregnancy. We bought the crib, planned on bassinet in our room for awhile, then a crib and then…never really used the crib. If our next baby seems to prefer to sleep alone or sleeps well in a crib, sleeps long stretches sooner than his sister, etc, I’m not opposed to doing what works for him. I just like others to know that co-sleeping is TOTALLY normal, much more common than it seems to be in the US and is perfectly okay.

What other questions do you have about co-sleeping?