Kalaya is approaching 15 months. In the United States, there seems to be a common trend that babies are started to or have long since been weaned from the breast at this point. There seems to be more of a taboo after a baby turns one, especially once they can ask for it. Kalaya doesn't ask with words yet, but she definitely sign for it, pulls at my shirt or just tries to help herself if I'm in the shower or my breasts are easily accessible. I don't know who coined the phrase, "If they're old enough to ask for it, they're too old to have it!", but I truly think it's terrible. (I know I heard it on an episode of Sex and the City, but it may have been around before then)
I always said that I was going to nurse my babies as long as they wanted. Let me rephrase. I wasn't saying that 5 years ago. Once I started seriously thinking about pregnancy and became pregnant, I did a LOT of reading about nursing. I had never given toddler nursing a second thought. Truthfully, I hadn't thought about how long a baby should nurse. I knew that my mother breastfed both my brother and I, but I didn't know much more. After talking with her, I discovered that she nursed us until around 6 months, which was when we both had top and bottom teeth. (understandable) She also told me that we refused to take a bottle (she also was a stay-at-home-mom and didn't have to force it) and she wanted the freedom to leave once in awhile. (also understandable)
I read different types of baby books. All of them agree that breast milk is best for babies. I knew that much. I obviously wanted my baby to benefit nutritionally from my milk. But, I learned a lot about how important the physical bonding that takes place with nursing vs with a bottle. I started reading about long-term nursing, past a baby's first year. There are soooooo many benefits, I cannot even begin to list them all. Here are a few. And a few more. And, our society is the weird one for not encouraging this and accepting it as the norm. In many, many other countries, children nurse until they are 3, 4 or even 5 years old. I've read that 5 is the average weaning age world-wide. The American Association of Pediatrics recommends nursing for at LEAST a year or for "as long as mutually agreeable." The international association of pediatrics says at least 2. (please don't ask me to site this :) ) The point is, I decided long before Kalaya was born that I would breast feed as long as she wanted to and as long as my body was cooperating.
Kalaya has always, always been a strong nurser. And, luckily, I have been able to produce plenty of milk and haven't had any trouble nursing. I think I met with the lactation specialist once in the hospital, because I was a little sore, but after that, no trouble whatsoever. It's been interesting watching other moms of my generation with their new babies. We all approach nursing a bit differently. The interesting thing (to me) is that the focus in our society seems to be on just the milk itself. It's as though we're being taught that the most important thing is that your baby is getting the nutrients from the milk. Yes, that is of course important, but I don't think women are being educated enough about how important actual nursing is. Unfortunately, I think many women end up surprised when they stop producing milk when they're only pumping. Then, it's often to late to get your milk back and the only way to really get it to come back is to nurse and when a baby hasn't nursed in that long...you get the idea. There are also all those rumors flying around out there! This article addresses a LOT of them.
Another worry that seems to be around right now is that mothers are worried that they're not producing enough milk. Obviously there are cases where this is certainly true, but I don't know if it's as often as many are worried. Your breasts know your baby and will produce what they need; as long as you keep putting baby to breast! I know moms who started pumping to see how much they were producing. The funny thing is, I never really was able to successfully pump, but my baby never had trouble gaining weight. I fear that many mothers also start formula because they think it will fill their baby longer, giving them more sleep or other "free" time. Yes, formula takes longer to digest, but I felt that the health benefits far out weigh the sleep side. And it didn't last that long anyway. It's funny, we're so worried about getting our babies to sleep longer, sleep through the night, etc, yet at the same time, we keep saying how fast it's all going! Anyway, enough on that tangent...
I remember stressing about some aspects of nursing in the beginning. I remember reading The Baby Whisperer, where she explains that you should NEVER nurse/feed a baby to go to sleep, because they will never learn to sleep on their own. Really?? That's crazy!! Never mind, it's true, you do see a lot of students going off to college who are still nursing or taking a pacifier to go to sleep....anyway. I remember our first night in the hospital; I nursed her, was ready to get some sleep, so I passed her off to Nelson, still awake. I fell asleep for a while and then she started crying. He tried rocking her, singing, walking, etc and it wasn't working. He asked me if I wanted to nurse her and I actually quoted the baby whisperer!! That lasted maybe 5 minutes and then instinct kicked in. Baby crying = put to breast. It was that simple. From that minute on, I never looked back. I began to parent by instinct, forget the books. And, this was before I had ever even heard of attachment parenting. She nursed to sleep and slept in my bed, right next to me from that moment on. Luckily, I found some books to back up our methods and make me feel that we were actually doing the right thing for our child!! (see, those books again! I'm a teacher, what can I say??>)
Another stress I had was hearing other mothers worry about production. And hearing people say that I "had" to get my child to take a bottle and pacifier. (why the heck is that anyway??) So, we started trying to introduce the bottle. And the pacifier. There was no fooling this child. She kinda took the pacifier. But never the bottle. We tried all the "tricks", nothing worked. But you know what? I didn't try very long or very hard. It felt so much more natural to nurse and to heck with everything else.
I am not saying attachment parenting is for everyone. I'm not even saying breastfeeding is for everyone. Families have to do what works best for them! It may even change with future babies we have. Each child is different and you're a different parent with each child.
14 1/2 months later and Kalaya is still nursing strong. I can see why some women think about giving it up. I cannot imagine having to pump to keep my supply going, if I had to be away from my baby for work. God bless my wonderful husband for understanding why being at home with my child is so important. Exclusively breastfeeding was a huge factor in that. Power to those working moms out there who have to keep pumping to keep it up; you ROCK! Exclusively nursing, with the attachment parenting life style can be extremely draining. (no pun intended :) Kalaya does not sleep through the night very often. She usually wakes up around 3 or 4 am to nurse. I don't go around telling that to people, because there's this instant judgment that goes along with that. It's as though I'm a bad parent because our child doesn't sleep through the night yet. I just love when people offer their "helpful" advice of, "stop offering, she won't want it". I honestly don't mind it. Remember, she sleeps right next to me, so I barely have to wake up. And, when she wakes up at 6:30 like a lot of toddlers, she nurses and goes right back to sleep, some days until 9 or 10. I'm okay with that!! Again, families have to do what works with their lifestyles and this works for us. Most nights that is. Yes, there are times (like teething) where I get tired of being a pacifier. Yes, there are times when I think weaning would solve these problems. But the truth is, it may not. I have never once regretted my breast feeding decisions though.
To me, the benefits out weigh the challenges. I'll be fair and list some challenges or exclusively nursing first:
*You need to be available pretty much 24/7 for your baby, especially in the first 6 months (or whatever your family decides), when they're only getting breast milk.
*Even after introducing solids, your baby may prefer breast milk/nursing. Kalaya didn't start really taking to solid foods until about the last month or so. Yep, that's at 13 1/2 months. Obviously that isn't the case with many babies, but I thought I should mention it.
*If your baby is a light sleeper, has trouble falling asleep on their own, doesn't like the feeling of falling asleep or naturally wakes up during shifting sleep cycles, they may want to nurse at night to help them get back to sleep.
*For modest women, nursing in public is challenging. Luckily, there are lots of things to support this, especially living in the Northwest!
*They do get teeth. And they do bite. But, it doesn't last very long and you CAN get through it quickly!!
*If you are a working mom, you will have to pump to keep your supply going. I've heard this can be very challenging.
*Some women have pain and trouble with latch-on, sore nipples, bleeding, all those fun things.
*You have to think more about life style choices, such as drinking, medicines and what you eat. It all goes into your baby!
Alright, enough of that. Here are the benefits that, to us, out weigh those challenges:
*I can feed my child any time, any where. I never had to worry about packing bottles, formula, water, etc. I never had to worry about the temperature of the milk.
*Kalaya has only had 2 colds and 3 or 4 runny noses. That's it. No ear infections. NONE. She never got any other illnesses in her first year.
*When Kalaya was sick, she didn't want to eat any solid foods. Period. This lasted for over a week each time. Since she was still nursing, I knew she was getting nutrients. And breast milk is so gentle that you can even nurse when they're having tummy troubles.
*Breast milk is GREAT for clearing out a stuffy baby nose. And, nursing always some how cleared her nose up.
*Kalaya has very few temper tantrums. If she gets mad/sad/hurt as a toddler, nursing calms her and brings her back down. It works well as a form of time out.
*I can get Kalaya to nap any time she is tired. Some times it takes a bit, but if she's tired enough, she'll nurse and nap anywhere.
*Until very recently, Kalaya's poop hardly smelled at all. Breast milk poop has a much less offensive odor. (until solid foods...)
*Breast milk is water soluble, which made/makes cloth diapers very easy to wash. No soaking or dumping, just throw them in the wash!
*Nursing is so GREEN!
*Human breast milk is designed for human babies! It is perfectly balance for everything she could possibly need.
Okay, I seriously could go on forever. Two of my favorite sites about nursing are here and here. This definitely goes beyond the normal interest of nursing mothers for me. It's slowly becoming a passion. I could definitely see myself going through training to become a certified lactation specialist some day. Or a post-partum doula. Or working with La Leche League or something similar. I can't say enough. : ) Breastfeeding babies are the best!!!
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