Nursing

Kalaya is approaching 15 months. In the United States, there seems to be a common trend that babies are started to or have long since been weaned from the breast at this point. There seems to be more of a taboo after a baby turns one, especially once they can ask for it. Kalaya doesn't ask with words yet, but she definitely sign for it, pulls at my shirt or just tries to help herself if I'm in the shower or my breasts are easily accessible. I don't know who coined the phrase, "If they're old enough to ask for it, they're too old to have it!", but I truly think it's terrible. (I know I heard it on an episode of Sex and the City, but it may have been around before then)

I always said that I was going to nurse my babies as long as they wanted. Let me rephrase. I wasn't saying that 5 years ago. Once I started seriously thinking about pregnancy and became pregnant, I did a LOT of reading about nursing. I had never given toddler nursing a second thought. Truthfully, I hadn't thought about how long a baby should nurse. I knew that my mother breastfed both my brother and I, but I didn't know much more. After talking with her, I discovered that she nursed us until around 6 months, which was when we both had top and bottom teeth. (understandable) She also told me that we refused to take a bottle (she also was a stay-at-home-mom and didn't have to force it) and she wanted the freedom to leave once in awhile. (also understandable)

I read different types of baby books. All of them agree that breast milk is best for babies. I knew that much. I obviously wanted my baby to benefit nutritionally from my milk. But, I learned a lot about how important the physical bonding that takes place with nursing vs with a bottle. I started reading about long-term nursing, past a baby's first year. There are soooooo many benefits, I cannot even begin to list them all. Here are a few. And a few more. And, our society is the weird one for not encouraging this and accepting it as the norm. In many, many other countries, children nurse until they are 3, 4 or even 5 years old. I've read that 5 is the average weaning age world-wide. The American Association of Pediatrics recommends nursing for at LEAST a year or for "as long as mutually agreeable." The international association of pediatrics says at least 2. (please don't ask me to site this :) ) The point is, I decided long before Kalaya was born that I would breast feed as long as she wanted to and as long as my body was cooperating.

Kalaya has always, always been a strong nurser. And, luckily, I have been able to produce plenty of milk and haven't had any trouble nursing. I think I met with the lactation specialist once in the hospital, because I was a little sore, but after that, no trouble whatsoever. It's been interesting watching other moms of my generation with their new babies. We all approach nursing a bit differently. The interesting thing (to me) is that the focus in our society seems to be on just the milk itself. It's as though we're being taught that the most important thing is that your baby is getting the nutrients from the milk. Yes, that is of course important, but I don't think women are being educated enough about how important actual nursing is. Unfortunately, I think many women end up surprised when they stop producing milk when they're only pumping. Then, it's often to late to get your milk back and the only way to really get it to come back is to nurse and when a baby hasn't nursed in that long...you get the idea. There are also all those rumors flying around out there! This article addresses a LOT of them.

Another worry that seems to be around right now is that mothers are worried that they're not producing enough milk. Obviously there are cases where this is certainly true, but I don't know if it's as often as many are worried. Your breasts know your baby and will produce what they need; as long as you keep putting baby to breast! I know moms who started pumping to see how much they were producing. The funny thing is, I never really was able to successfully pump, but my baby never had trouble gaining weight. I fear that many mothers also start formula because they think it will fill their baby longer, giving them more sleep or other "free" time. Yes, formula takes longer to digest, but I felt that the health benefits far out weigh the sleep side. And it didn't last that long anyway. It's funny, we're so worried about getting our babies to sleep longer, sleep through the night, etc, yet at the same time, we keep saying how fast it's all going! Anyway, enough on that tangent...

I remember stressing about some aspects of nursing in the beginning. I remember reading The Baby Whisperer, where she explains that you should NEVER nurse/feed a baby to go to sleep, because they will never learn to sleep on their own. Really?? That's crazy!! Never mind, it's true, you do see a lot of students going off to college who are still nursing or taking a pacifier to go to sleep....anyway. I remember our first night in the hospital; I nursed her, was ready to get some sleep, so I passed her off to Nelson, still awake. I fell asleep for a while and then she started crying. He tried rocking her, singing, walking, etc and it wasn't working. He asked me if I wanted to nurse her and I actually quoted the baby whisperer!! That lasted maybe 5 minutes and then instinct kicked in. Baby crying = put to breast. It was that simple. From that minute on, I never looked back. I began to parent by instinct, forget the books. And, this was before I had ever even heard of attachment parenting. She nursed to sleep and slept in my bed, right next to me from that moment on. Luckily, I found some books to back up our methods and make me feel that we were actually doing the right thing for our child!! (see, those books again! I'm a teacher, what can I say??>)

Another stress I had was hearing other mothers worry about production. And hearing people say that I "had" to get my child to take a bottle and pacifier. (why the heck is that anyway??) So, we started trying to introduce the bottle. And the pacifier. There was no fooling this child. She kinda took the pacifier. But never the bottle. We tried all the "tricks", nothing worked. But you know what? I didn't try very long or very hard. It felt so much more natural to nurse and to heck with everything else.

I am not saying attachment parenting is for everyone. I'm not even saying breastfeeding is for everyone. Families have to do what works best for them! It may even change with future babies we have. Each child is different and you're a different parent with each child.

14 1/2 months later and Kalaya is still nursing strong. I can see why some women think about giving it up. I cannot imagine having to pump to keep my supply going, if I had to be away from my baby for work. God bless my wonderful husband for understanding why being at home with my child is so important. Exclusively breastfeeding was a huge factor in that. Power to those working moms out there who have to keep pumping to keep it up; you ROCK! Exclusively nursing, with the attachment parenting life style can be extremely draining. (no pun intended :) Kalaya does not sleep through the night very often. She usually wakes up around 3 or 4 am to nurse. I don't go around telling that to people, because there's this instant judgment that goes along with that. It's as though I'm a bad parent because our child doesn't sleep through the night yet. I just love when people offer their "helpful" advice of, "stop offering, she won't want it". I honestly don't mind it. Remember, she sleeps right next to me, so I barely have to wake up. And, when she wakes up at 6:30 like a lot of toddlers, she nurses and goes right back to sleep, some days until 9 or 10. I'm okay with that!! Again, families have to do what works with their lifestyles and this works for us. Most nights that is. Yes, there are times (like teething) where I get tired of being a pacifier. Yes, there are times when I think weaning would solve these problems. But the truth is, it may not. I have never once regretted my breast feeding decisions though.

To me, the benefits out weigh the challenges. I'll be fair and list some challenges or exclusively nursing first:

*You need to be available pretty much 24/7 for your baby, especially in the first 6 months (or whatever your family decides), when they're only getting breast milk.

*Even after introducing solids, your baby may prefer breast milk/nursing. Kalaya didn't start really taking to solid foods until about the last month or so. Yep, that's at 13 1/2 months. Obviously that isn't the case with many babies, but I thought I should mention it.

*If your baby is a light sleeper, has trouble falling asleep on their own, doesn't like the feeling of falling asleep or naturally wakes up during shifting sleep cycles, they may want to nurse at night to help them get back to sleep.

*For modest women, nursing in public is challenging. Luckily, there are lots of things to support this, especially living in the Northwest!

*They do get teeth. And they do bite. But, it doesn't last very long and you CAN get through it quickly!!

*If you are a working mom, you will have to pump to keep your supply going. I've heard this can be very challenging.

*Some women have pain and trouble with latch-on, sore nipples, bleeding, all those fun things.

*You have to think more about life style choices, such as drinking, medicines and what you eat. It all goes into your baby!

Alright, enough of that. Here are the benefits that, to us, out weigh those challenges:

*I can feed my child any time, any where. I never had to worry about packing bottles, formula, water, etc. I never had to worry about the temperature of the milk.

*Kalaya has only had 2 colds and 3 or 4 runny noses. That's it. No ear infections. NONE. She never got any other illnesses in her first year.

*When Kalaya was sick, she didn't want to eat any solid foods. Period. This lasted for over a week each time. Since she was still nursing, I knew she was getting nutrients. And breast milk is so gentle that you can even nurse when they're having tummy troubles.

*Breast milk is GREAT for clearing out a stuffy baby nose. And, nursing always some how cleared her nose up.

*Kalaya has very few temper tantrums. If she gets mad/sad/hurt as a toddler, nursing calms her and brings her back down. It works well as a form of time out.

*I can get Kalaya to nap any time she is tired. Some times it takes a bit, but if she's tired enough, she'll nurse and nap anywhere.

*Until very recently, Kalaya's poop hardly smelled at all. Breast milk poop has a much less offensive odor. (until solid foods...)

*Breast milk is water soluble, which made/makes cloth diapers very easy to wash. No soaking or dumping, just throw them in the wash!

*Nursing is so GREEN!

*Human breast milk is designed for human babies! It is perfectly balance for everything she could possibly need.

Okay, I seriously could go on forever. Two of my favorite sites about nursing are here and here. This definitely goes beyond the normal interest of nursing mothers for me. It's slowly becoming a passion. I could definitely see myself going through training to become a certified lactation specialist some day. Or a post-partum doula. Or working with La Leche League or something similar. I can't say enough. : ) Breastfeeding babies are the best!!!

Walking!

Miss Kalaya is walking! Slowly, but surely! And all over the house today!

A Few Recent Pics

Here are some pics from our trip to Wyoming, the 4th of July and around the house. My favorites are the ones where she's reading, which she constantly does! I love that I'm raising a reader. She will sit and look at books some days for 30-45 minutes; not bad for a 14 month old!!

Happy Four Year Anniversary!

After that previous post Nelson surprised me with, I don't know how I can ever top that! Instead, here are some things I love about my husband:

*His ability to make me laugh in any and all situations, even if I don't want to or even if it's an inappropriate time.

*His amazing abilities as a father. When we got married, I THOUGHT he'd be a great father (duh!), but I had no idea just how incredible he would be. He blows me away on a daily basis.

*The fact that he is willing to be the main income in our family so that I can be a stay-at-home-mom. I can never repay him for this and it has been the best gift I have ever received.

*His charming personality that wins over everyone and makes every girl under 22 fall in love with him. Seriously.

*The way he makes everyone feel loved, accepted and comfortable.

*The fact that we always have hundreds of things to say to each other and never get tired of talking, whether it is petty gossip or vital decisions about our future.

*He is my best friend. I never get sick of spending time together. I miss him when I'm away from him for more than 5 minutes and get excited every time I know I'm about to see him again.

*From day one of our relationship, I have 100% been myself. And he loves me! I never have to pretend with Nelson. I can always be totally honest.

*I already said what an amazing father he is to Kalaya, but he's also such a wonderful husband to Kalaya's mother (me), if that makes sense. He has been so supportive of every decision I have wanted to make as a mother, whether is was deciding to exclusively nurse or co-sleep. Never once has he tried to make me do something as a mother that I didn't agree with.

*His beautiful eyes. All of the most important moments in our life together; falling in love, his proposal, our wedding vows, when we discovered we were pregnant, when Kalaya was born and so many more, are connected to the love and care I see in Nelson's eyes.

*So many more, but the most important one is, of course, his amazing abilities as a lover. WHAT A MAN!! (He made me put that)

*No, really, the most important thing is probably the fact that this person has been introduced to the world:



Happy anniversary Nelson, and many more to come!!

On Our Anniversary

(Well, technically, this is eight days before our anniversary, but you know I'm terrible at waiting to give presents.)

How long have we known each other now, eight years?

I think we met on April 4^th, 2002. And I’m certain it was a Thursday. And I’m doubly certain it was between 3:00 and 4:00 pm. That attention to detail sounds more romantic than it is, since I would wager you remember the exact same things. Hopefully I’ll remember all of this on our 75^th anniversary too (which, by the way, would make me 99 and you 98, and since I’m planning on living to at least 118 so I can see the year 2100, it seems a good possibility to occur).

I told you I would marry you (or you would marry me, or both) that same day - that first day - which is weird because I don’t recall saying that to anyone before or since, especially when I didn’t know your middle name, or your shoe size, or your mom’s name, or if you were a dog person, or if you could recite the entire starting lineup for the 1995 World Series Champion Atlanta Braves.

What’s also strange is that you didn’t contradict my marriage request/demand, especially since you didn’t know about my chest hair, or my glasses prescription, or my irrational fear of slugs, or my dislike of talking on the phone, or if I knew all the words to “Jolly Holiday” from Mary Poppins.

I’m reasonably certain all you knew about me was from what you saw on the t.v. show (yikes), and all I knew about you was you dressed sensibly for the weather (orange-striped t-shirt and jean skirt that stopped just above your knees).

And that’s all it took, I think. Kind of annoying, right? Waiting for love and looking for love and hoping for love, and then all it takes is two hours with a stranger and you’re hooked for life. Thanks for making it so easy.

***

What isn’t easy is trying to remember a time before I loved you. Sometimes I’ll think about my freshman year of college and you’ll have infiltrated my memories and be eating breakfast with me on a Saturday morning at Valsetz, or helping me dye my hair orange, or making sure Brandon doesn’t drown in the shower. Sometimes I’ll think about high school, and there you are again, going with me to a dance, or watching Monday Night Raw (double yikes), or cheering me on from the bleachers as I’m freezing to death in the outfield in Sisters as it snows.

Remember that time in seventh grade when I fell out of the tree and almost landed on that pile of bricks? Remember when we were about 10 and went camping and saw a bear with Trevor and Zach? Remember when I was knocked unconscious after Adelino hit me in the head with a softball bat when we were five?

Of course, you couldn’t have been there, because you were in Plano, and Lake Oswego, and Newark, and Chico, and Portland. But it feels like you were there.

I think if we met today, or tomorrow, or yesterday, I would have no choice but to love you. Maybe we’d both be married (you to Matt Stornetta, and me to Natalie Portman), and maybe we’d both have kids (you would have Anne Elizabeth and Daniel James, and I would have Jackson Cloud and Bailey Gravedigger), and maybe you’d be an Officer’s wife, and I’d be an AmeriCorps representative, and maybe I’d be outside as you passed on your bike, and maybe…

You know this already, but I don’t necessarily believe in soul mates. I don’t think God is cruel enough to make only one person to perfectly match with one other person (although God also made a 20-foot, 2000-pound crocodile named Gustave who lives in both Burundi and children’s nightmares, so clearly God’s cruelty knows no bounds). But if, somehow, that turns out to be true, well, thanks again for making it so easy.

***

I still haven’t found an adequate way to tell you I love you, but here is another attempt.

Sometimes I’ll catch myself watching Kalaya without realizing it, when she’s playing or eating or sleeping or something. I’ll start thinking about how much I love her, and how beautiful she is, and how there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to keep her safe and content.

Then I’ll think about how the whole process of parenting is about learning to let go of your children, because pretty soon she’ll be walking (which means walking away) and talking (which means talking back) and doing all these things to find her independence. And then I think about how I hope I’m good enough for her, and that I won’t be anything less than an amazing father, and that she’ll always know how much I love her.

Then I think about you, and it occurs to me that whatever happens in her life, she’ll be just fine, because she has you inside her. And that makes me think about how lucky someone will be to love her one day, just as I love you. And then I kiss her forehead, because it’s like kissing both of you.

Happy Fourth Anniversary, my love! I heart you!

WHEW!!

Holy smokes, we're already half way through July! We have been busy!! We had a family adventure that was amazing! Let's see, where to begin....

For those of you that don't know, I'm the youth minister at our church. Whether Nelson wanted to or not, he has become my partner and we are basically the youth team. Technically, the paycheck is in my name, but they're basically getting 2 of us for the price of 1. Plus, a cute mascot to boot, as we never are without Miss Kalaya, who our youth just adore : )

About 8 months ago, our youth group started brainstorming activities for this school year. The idea of doing a mission trip came up. Now, we are a VERY small church, with a small youth group. If we have 7 youth on a Sunday, that's a great day. We maybe have 150 members on a busy Sunday in church. But, we love it and we work with what we have!! Our youth wanted to do something big, such as going abroad for a mission. We looked into it and ruled that out pretty quickly. Too many things to worry about and too much money to raise, if we wanted to go on a trip this summer. We also knew that it wasn't likely that I would be taking the group, since there was no way I was going to leave Kalaya for a whole week. Nelson agreed to be the leader along with another woman from our church who helps with youth group a LOT.

We started working with an organization called Youth Works, which connects churches with mission sites around the US. We narrowed the possibilities down to a Native American reservation in Wyoming and another location in San Diego. Surprisingly, our kids voted for Wyoming (I thought they'd want to go to California!), mainly because of the dates we would be going,

We did a LOT of fundraising this year. Our little church just kept giving and giving! They bought insane amounts of baked goods, donated to various cook offs, gave any extra made at fundraisers for other groups and just wrote checks! They were awesome! At one point during the year, I mentioned to Nelson, "Wait a minute, Aunt Patti lives near a reservation in Wyoming, I wonder if it's the same on we're going to??" One quick phone call confirmed that it was and a couple of months later, she generously offered to fly Kalaya and I out for the week to be near the team and visit with her. WONDERFUL!!! It worked out perfectly.

We went last week. We sent the youth off Saturday (the 3rd) morning and then Kalaya and I flew out later that day. It was a bit of an adventure to fly with a 14 month old alone, especially with a 3 hour layover, but we did it! I packed bunch of never-before-seen toys and snacks and of course used the secret method of breastfeeding when all else failed. I am sooooo grateful we have not forced this child to wean, it has helped her sleep in the most convenient locations!!!

The week went so well. Nelson and the kids worked on the reservation during the day on various projects, while we spent time with my aunt. Then, in the evenings we met up for activities such as dinner, cultural activities, "club" time (worship and prayer) and team meetings. It worked out so amazingly, the people in charge were so understanding and supportive of us coming to visit and it was mainly in thanks to the charming Miss Kalaya, who absolutely loved all of the attention of everyone! She was giving high fives, fist bumps and huge grins and hugs all over the place! One very special even took place right in front of everyone; she took her first steps!!! It was such a special moment, the kids were so excited to be a part of it. : )

13 (1/2 ) Months

I will deny it if you ask me, but I think I have to face the facts. My child is not really a baby any more. She is a toddler. Now, she's not quite walking yet, but it is literally going to be any minute. She walks holding onto everything she can. She holds our hand/hands and walks around. She has 2 different push toys and a baby stroller that she walks with all over the house. At this point, it's just a matter of confidence. She'll stand all by herself for 30 seconds, very excited and proud of herself, but if you try to get her to step toward you or something else, she freaks out and refuses. It's actually pretty funny. We say, "Okay, one, two, THREE!" and sometimes she throws her hands up in the air to stand on her own and other times gets fussy and refuses, because she totally knows what me mean by it. : )

Kalaya has officially said her first word! Some parents may have given her credit a while ago, because she has definitely looked at Nelson and said Dadadadada and me and said Mamamamama and Pippy and said Dododododododo, but not completely consistently. Today Nelson was leaving the room and I said, "Bye bye Daddy!" and she looked right at him, waved her hand (which she's done for quite awhile) and said, "Buh bye!" It was wonderful! And she's been doing it at the appropriate times ever since!




She is definitely learning more and more about everything. She gets into drawers, bags, purses, the dog dish, computer stuff, and the recycling. (no garbage cans yet, they're out of reach!) She loves to play with her cars and trucks, her baby dolls, stacking toys, crayons, pens (learned to stay right next to her with those, she drew on our TV stand this week), forks, spoons, bowls, you name it!

She's finally eating pretty well. (for her) She's never been a big eater (other than nursing!), but she's consistently eating 3 meals a day with a snack or two. She is experimenting with whatever foods we're having at a meal, but we still give her "baby" food as well, to make sure she gets enough to eat. (we tried relying just on her feeding skills, but her stomach would be growling late at night and she'd wake up crying and hungry) Her favorite foods are avacados, plain yogurt, oatmeal, cottage cheese, pasta, and most of the baby food we offer, which are a variety of mixes of veggies with meats and grains. She hardly likes any fruits. We've tried more than I can name; pears, apples, strawberries, mangoes, peaches, grapes, cherries, bananas and she spits everything out. We've tried purees, dried, fresh, frozen, hiding them in cereal, yogurt, anything we can think of and she clamps her mouth down or just plays with them. We'll keep offering them! She is very independent and loves to feed herself when she can.

Kalaya still nurses really well. I hear about other toddlers starting to lose interest, but that doesn't seem to be the case with her. We nurse first thing in the morning, nap times and bedtime, but she signs for it a couple of times throughout the day and doesn't just graze; she does around 5-10 minutes when she's interested. I love it and I'm in no rush to wean her, so it's working well for us.

Meal Planning Monday, 1 Day Late

Okay, I'm finally getting back into the swing of things with cooking and meals. I have been meaning to post, but just didn't get to it. I am trying almost all new recipes this cycle, so I'm excited to taste! So, here goes for the next 2 weeks:

M Spaghetti with marinara sauce from scratch
T Chili Rellenos with Green Rice
W Mexicali Rice and Ground Turkey Casserole
Th Ravioli Vegetable Lasagna
F leftovers
Sa Slow Cooker Vegetarian Minestrone
Su BBQ in Salem for Father's Day

M Buffalo Blue Cheese Burgers (can't find online, but it's in Rachael Ray 365: No Repeats)
T Macaroni and Cheese
W Chicken Casablanca
Th Tex Mex Shrimp over Green Rice (a different green rice from last T!)
F out
Sa leftovers
Su Slow Cooker Vegetarian Baked Ziti

The slow cooker recipes are from Fresh From the Vegetarian Slow Cooker which I bought after repetedly checking it out at the library. The rest of the recipes are from The Everything Tex-Mex Cookbook. I've been checking out cookbooks a lot and have bought those 2 on Ebay, less than 5 bucks each!! Love it!

Colin and Allie's Visit

Last week was really special; my brother and niece Allie Mae were here for a whole week to visit! Kalaya and I spent the time in Portland at my parents' house, so we were with them every day. We did some fun things and the girls spent a lot of time together, it was a good experience for both of them! Kalaya followed Allie every where and wanted to do exactly what Allie was doing. As Allie is going through the two year old everything is "mine!" phase, it was an interesting dynamic. All in all, they got along fine, as long as they didn't want the same toy at the same time. We were sharing a lot of our toys with Allie and thank goodness Kalaya doesn't realize which things are "hers" at this point, or we may have had trouble! The girls had lots of fun playing with baby dolls, trucks, trains, push/ride on toys, stacking blocks, reading books and playing in our tent. The weather didn't cooperate too well, but we did get one day to play at the park. We went to lunch with Grandpa, went shopping in downtown Portland, blew bubbles, played at the water front, went to visit Oma in Kindergarten, visited family friends and went out to dinner a few times. They have some new matching outfits as well. Probably the highlight of the trip was going to the Rose Festival Grand Floral Parade on Saturday. The weather was absolutely perfect and the girls had lots of fun drawing with chalk, blowing bubbles and watching the parade! Hopefully this is the start of a family tradition, because it was lots of fun and basically free! Here are some pictures from the week:

Return of a Not-Missed Friend

Yup, it's official.


My monthly friend is back.


I didn't miss her.


I didn't invite her back.


I enjoyed not having to buy supplies for her.


It's been 22 months since the last time I saw her.



But she's here.




I'm seriously considering getting pregnant again, just so she'll go away again.




Just kidding.




But, now I know I COULD get pregnant, so have to be extra careful!!





Oh well. At least my body is healthy and functioning. I guess I'm a breast-feed-for-one-year-without-a-period-woman. Better than it returning six weeks after she was born.







SIGH. Welcome back old friend.